Rss Feed
  1. UNIX Airways

    Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

    Air DOS

    Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

    Mac Airlines

    All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

    Windows Air

    The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

    Windows NT Air

    Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

    Windows XP Air

    You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

    OSX Air:

    You enter a white terminal, and all you can see is a woman sitting in the corner behind a white desk, you walk up to get your ticket. She smiles and says "Welcome to OS X Air, please allow us to take your picture", at which point a camera in the wall you didn't notice before takes your picture. "Thank you, here is your ticket" You are handed a minimalistic ticket with your picture at the top, it already has all of your information. A door opens to your right and you walk through. You enter a wide open space with one seat in the middle, you sit, listen to music and watch movies until the end of the flight. You never see any of the other passengers. You land, get off, and you say to yourself "wow, that was really nice, but I feel like something was missing"

    Windows Vista Airlines:

    You enter a good looking terminal with the largest planes you have ever seen. Every 10 feet a security officer appears and asks you if you are "sure" you want to continue walking to your plane and if you would like to cancel. Not sure what cancel would do, you continue walking and ask the agent at the desk why the planes are so big. After the security officer making sure you want to ask the question and you want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are bigger because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to fly twice as slow. Adding the size helped achieve the slow fly goal.

    Once on the plane, every passenger has to be asked individually by the flight attendants if they are sure they want to take this flight. Then it is company policy that the captain asks the passengers collectively the same thing. After answering yes to so many questions, you are punched in the face by some stranger who when he asked "Are you sure you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or Allow?" you instinctively say "Allow".

    After takeoff, the pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn't updated to work with the new plane. Therefore it is always stuck in the down position. This forces the plane to fly even slower, but the pilots are used to it and continue to fly the planes, hoping that soon the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing gear driver update.

    You arrive at your destination wishing you had used your reward miles with XP airlines rather than trying out this new carrier. A close friend, after hearing your story, mentions that Linux Air is a much better alternative and helps.

    Linux Air

    Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

    When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"


  2. 1.Ciocolata Veronica,
    Face mica gaurica.

    2.Face mica gaurica,
    Nu mai intra nici furnica.

    3.Ciocolata Postavaru,
    Face p**a ca si paru'.

    4.Tineti minte trei cuvinte:
    P**a, paru', Postavaru.

    5.Cicolata Nicoleta,
    Face p**a ca racheta.

    6.Alifia Cleopatra,
    Face sânii ca si piatra.

    7.Tineti minte trei cuvinte:
    Sânii, piatra, Cleopatra.

    8.Vreti sa cuceriti femeia,
    Folositi sapunul Cheia.

    9.Soarele si tenisul,
    Va-ntareste penisul.

    10.Moarte sigura cu cobra,
    Dar mai sigura cu Mobra.

    11.Motocicleta Carpati,
    Stati în cur si reparati.

    12.Ciocolata Pitic,
    Va face voinic.

    13.Vinul rosu de Segarcea,
    Face p***a harcea-parcea.

    14.Nu mai fumati tigari Kent,
    Ca va lasa impotent.

    15.Vreti sa deveniti barbati,
    Fumati doar tigari Carpati.

    16.Sifilisul de Constanta,
    Face tenul ca faianta.

    17.Pâna si-mparatul Nero,
    Se spala la cur cu Dero.

    18.Curvele si atletismul,
    Va calesc ("caleste") organismul.

    19.Opriti dricul,
    Mortul vrea sa bea un Cico.
    Un Cico dac-ar bea,
    Mortu' poate-ar învia.

    20.Ciocolata Laura,
    Va largeste gaura.

    21.Sapunul Duru,
    Face fata precum curul.

    22.Numai cu sapunul Duru, Duru, Duru,
    Ceam mai buna p***a-i curu...

    23.Varianta:
    Haida Duru, Duru, Duru,
    Ceam mai buna p***a-i curu...

    24.Daca bei un Saprosan,
    N-o sa te mai caci un an.



    Mai sunt...pana la 43. Da click pentru restu

    25.Daca bei Tuica de pruna,
    Orice-baba-ti pare buna.

    26.Daca bei tuica întoarsa,
    P**a-ti va fi noduroasa.

    27.Daca bei tuica întoarsa,
    P**a-ti va fi mai vânoasa.

    28.Si Muscatul Otonel,
    Face p**a de otel.

    29.Vinul rosu de Jidvei,
    Scoala p**a când nu vrei.

    30.Vinul rosu de Vaslui,
    Face p**a ca un cui.

    31.Vinul dulce de Cotnari,
    Va transforma-n armasari.

    32.Dulceata verde de nuci,
    Pune p***a pe butuci.

    33.Tot dulceata verde de nuci,
    Va transforma-n eunuci.

    34.Produsele firmei Knorr,
    Va fac din om tractor.

    35.Tineti minte trei cuvinte:
    Omul, Knorru' si tractoru.

    36.Inseticidul Kuki,
    Ia si pielea si paduchii.

    37.Infuzia cu flori de tei,
    Va va scapa de latei.

    38.Sutienul de Cluj-Napoca,
    Face tâta ca si roca.

    39.Din caminul de chimie,
    O sa iei blenoragie.

    40.În caminul medicinii,
    Te poti f**e cu strainii.

    41.În camin la medicina,
    Nici o fata nu-i virgina.

    42.Daca mergi la medicina,
    Sa-ti iei si-o penicilina.

    43.Ce-i Kite-Kat pentru mâte,
    E sutienul pentru tâte.




    Tin sa precizez ca acest material a fost copiat de pe alt site :|. Felicitari pentru autor !!!


  3. Ghidul utilizatorului de IT

    marți, 22 iulie 2008

            E important de stiut de care parte va aflati. In felul acesta putem face un recensamant.

    1. Cand ne chemi sa-ti mutam calculatorul, asigura-te ca l-ai lasat ingropat sub o juma' de tona de carti postale, poze de-ale copiilor, animale impaiate, flori uscate, cornuri vechi si dosare patate cu cafea. Noi nu avem o viata personala si suntem adanc miscati cand putem trage o ocheada fugara prin viata ta.

    2. Nu nota nimic. Niciodata. Putem sa redam mesajele tale de eroare de la noi.

    3. Cand un informatician spune ca vine la tine, du-te bea o cafea. In felul acesta nu vei fi acolo cand vom avea nevoie de parola ta. Pentru noi, memorarea a 700 de parole de screen-saver e floare la ureche.

    4. Cand ne suni, spune-ne ce doresti sa faci, nu ceea ce te impiedica sa faci acel lucru. Nu avem nevoie sa stim ca nu poti folosi programul cutare pentru ca calculatorul tau nici macar nu porneste. Sau mai bine:
    cand ne suni, nu ne spune deloc de ce ne chemi la tine. La ce bun ne-ar putea folosi?

    5. Cand un informatician iti trimite un mesaj foarte important, sterge-l imediat. Erau doar teste.

    6. Cand un informatician e la biroul lui si mananca, intra drept inauntru si varsa-ti oful. Existam doar pentru a sluji.

    7. Cand copiatorul nu functioneaza, cheama-ti informaticianul. Doar contine componente electronice !

    8. Cand un informatician iti spune ca imprimantele nu au cartus in ele, sustine-ti punctul de vedere. Savuram argumentele relevante.

    9. Cand un informatician iti spune ca va veni in scurt timp, raspunde cu un ton aspru:"Si cam cate luni intelegi tu prin <> ?". Acest lucru ne motiveaza.

    10. Cand imprimanta nu vrea sa tipareasca, retrimite documentul de cel putin 20 de ori. Deseori documentele dispar in gaurile negre. Daca imprimanta nu tipareste nici dupa 20 de incercari, trimite documentul la toate celelalte 68 imprimante din retea. Una din ele trebuie sa functioneze !

    11. Nu invata nici un termen tehnic. Cand spui "Nu-mi merge chestia aia", stim exact ce vrei sa spui. Daca cablul de la mouse continua sa iti dea jos poza inramata a cainelui tau, ridica calculatorul si inghesuie cablul sub el. Cablurile de mouse au fost facuta sa reziste la 20 kg.

    12. Daca tasta spatiu nu mai functioneaza, arunca vina pe varianta noua de program. De fapt tastaturile savureaza foarte mult kilogramul de firimituri si de unghii dinauntru.

    13. Daca primesti un mesaj care spune "Are you sure ?", fa cat de repede poti click pe butonul Yes. La naiba, daca n-ai fi sigur, atunci nu ai face ce faci, nu ?!

    14. Simte-te liber sa zici lucruri de genul "nu ma pricep la porcariile astea de calculatoare". Nu ne suparam cand auzim ca se face referire la arealul nostru de expertiza profesionala ca fiind porcarie.

    15. Cand vrei sa schimbi cartusul la imprimanta, cheama-ti informaticianul. Schimbarea unui cartus de impimanta este o sarcina extrem de complexa, si se recomanda ca ea sa fie executata doar de un
    inginer licentiat in fizica nucleara.

    16. Cand te intalnesti cu un informatician duminica la aprozar, intreaba-l ceva de calculatoare. Lucram si in weekend.

    17. Nu nota nimic din ceea ce te invatam. Ne place sa repetam la infinit aceleasi lucruri.

    18. Cand ne semnalezi ca nu ai acces in retea, jura-te ca ai introdus parola corecta. Calculatoarele o iau razna deseori.

    19. In loc sa ne spui ce s-a intamplat, spune-ne doar ca "a disparut chestia aia desi n-am facut nimic". Calculatoarele se aseamana cu Triunghiul Bermudelor, si noua ne plac misterele."


  4. Very good questions

    luni, 21 iulie 2008

    What are caterpillars afraid of?
    Dogerpillars!

    Why is the letter T like an island?
    Because it is in the middle of waTer!

    Why can't Batman go fishing?
    Because Robin eats all the worms!

    Why was the broom late for breakfast?
    Because he swept in!

    Why did the farmer bury all his money in his fields?
    He wanted rich soil!

    What did one eye say to the other?
    Between you and me, something smells!

    What should never be eaten after its served?
    A tennis ball!

    What did the tie say to the hat?
    You go on a head, I will just hang around!

    Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
    The outside!

    What did the ghost say to the invisible man?
    Long time no see!

    What music do Mummies like?
    Wrap music!

    What did the math book say to the history book?
    Boy, do I have problems!

    What did the doctor say to the man who complained he was shrinking?
    You will just have to be a little patient!

    What did King Kong say when he called the wrong number?
    King Kong ring wrong!

    How do you make seven even?
    Take away the s!

    What do you call a country where all the automobiles are pink?
    A pink car nation!

    What do snakes do after they have a fight?
    They hiss and make up!

    How many seconds are in a year?
    Twelve: January second, February second, etc!

    What kind of witch lives on the beach?
    A sandwich!

    When is a car not a car?
    When it turns into a driveway!

    What is yours, but your friends use it more than you do?
    Your name!

    What do skeletons use to communicate?
    Cellbones!

    Why do dogs scratch themselves?
    Because they are the only ones who know where it itches!

    Five guys walk into a bar, why didn't the sixth?
    He ducked!

    Why did Cinderella's soccer team always lose?
    Because her coach was a pumpkin!

    Why did Cinderella's coach sit her on the bench?
    Because she ran away from the ball!

    A butcher is six foot tall, wears size 14 shoes, and has a 50 inch waist. What does he weigh?
    Meat!

    You are trapped in a room with no windows and a locked door. How do you get out?
    Go through the holes where the windows used to be!

    Who said: "Duh suddle cubup to borrow"?
    Little Orphan Annie with a cold!

    Forewards it is heavy,backwards it is not.What is it?
    A ton.


  5.         Glumeam doar. Oricum e foarte tare faza.

    video


  6. Orice om este nascut pentru ceva

    sâmbătă, 19 iulie 2008

    Eu sunt nascut pentru a reusi...altii...




  7. Touching your wife's body

    vineri, 18 iulie 2008

    One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.

    Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

    He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.

    His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

    By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

    "Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.

    He whispered back, "I found the remote."


  8. The new boss

    miercuri, 16 iulie 2008

           A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.
    The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
    On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.
    The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.
    He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week? A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, I make $400 a week. Why?
           The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back.
    'Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the roomand asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did around here?
    "From across the room came a voice,
    'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'


  9. Vorbe intelepte

    marți, 15 iulie 2008

              Vorbe de la niste oameni care sigur nu isi pierdeau zilele pe net...
    1. "Sunt foarte de acord sa tinem armele periculoase departe de mainile
    prostilor . In acest sens, propun ca pentru inceput sa limitam accesul
    la masinile de scris." Frank Lloyd Wright

    2. "Atata timp cat oamenii accepta tot felul de porcarii , e foarte profitabil sa le vinzi asemenea porcarii." Dick Cavett

    3. "In comparatie cu previziunile economice , cele astrologice par de-a dreptul respectabile." John Kenneth Galbraith

    4. "Cea mai buna metoda de a scapa de o problema este sa o rezolvi." Alan Saporta

    5. "In domeniul stiintei , nu conteaza daca gresesti , atata timp cat nu esti prost. In domeniul afacerilor , nu conteaza daca esti prost, atata timp cat nu gresesti."

    6. "Orice guvern eficient are in el ceva dictatorial" Harry S. Truman

    7. "Nu tot ce poate fi numarat conteaza si nu tot ce conteaza poate fi numarat". Einstein

    8. "O prietenie bazata pe afaceri e mai buna decat o afacere bazata pe prietenie." John D. Rockefeller

    9. "Adevarata masura a valorii unui om este data de felul cum trateaza
    pe cineva de la care nu poate obtine nici un avantaj." Samuel Johnson

    10. "Un om destept nu comite greseli minore." Goethe

    11. "Inteleptii gandesc tot ce spun. Prostii spun tot ce gandesc."

    12. "Obiectivul razboiului nu este sa mori pentru tara ta, ci sa-l faci pe ticalosul de inamic sa moara pentru a lui." George Patton

    13. "A copia dupa unul se numeste plagiat . A copia dupa doi se numeste cercetare." Wilson Mizner

    14. "Iubeste-ti dusmanii . Asta o sa-i scoata din minti."

    15. "Numarul de oameni care te urmaresc cu atentie este direct proportional cu stupiditatea actiunii pe care o faci in acel moment."

    16. "Increderea este acel sentiment pe care il ai inainte de a intelege exact cum se prezinta problema."

    17. "In fiecare dimineata , dupa ce ma scol , citesc in revista "Forbes" lista celor mai bogati oameni din lume. Daca nu sunt trecut acolo, ma
    duc la munca." Robert Orben


  10.         Iata o selectie de intrebari care au fost puse in realitate de catre unii avocati unor martori in timpul unor procese care au avut loc in Statele Unite. In unele cazuri, este furnizat si rasunsul dat de unii martori mai ascutiti la minte. Aceste fraze au fost extrase dintr-o carte intitulata "Disorder in the Court".

    Avocat: Domnule doctor, inainte de a incepe autopsia ati verificat
    pulsul?
    Martor: Nu.
    A: Ati verificat tensiune arteriala?
    M: Nu.
    A: Ati verificat daca respira?
    M: Nu.
    A: Atunci este posibil ca pacientul dumneavoastra sa fi fost in viata in
    momentul cand ati inceput autopsia?
    M: Nu.
    A: Cum puteti fi atat de sigur de asta, domnule doctor?
    M: Deoarece creierul sau era intr-un borcan pe biroul meu.
    A: Dar pacientul nu putea, totusi, sa fie in viata?
    M: Acum daca stau sa ma gandesc, este posibil sa traiasca exact in
    momentul acesta indeplinind o functie de avocat pe cine stie unde...

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** *

    Avocat: Ce a rezultat din mostra de tesut vaginal?
    Martor: Urme de sperma.
    A: Sperma masculina?
    M: E singurul tip pe care-l cunosc.

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** *

    Avocat: Ati intretinut relatii sexuale cu el la New York?
    Martor: Refuz sa raspund la aceasta intrebare.
    A: Ati intretinut relatii sexuale cu el la Chicago?
    M: Refuz sa raspund la aceasta intrebare.
    A: Ati intretinut relatii sexuale cu el la Miami?
    M: Nu.

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** *

    Avocat: In dimineata de 25 iulie ati mers pe jos de la ferma
    dumneavoastra pana la crescatoria de pasari?
    Martor: Da.
    A: Deci ati trecut la numai cativa metri de ocolul de rate?
    M: Da.
    A: Ati remarcat ceva special?
    M: Da.
    A: Puteti spune instantei ceea ce ati vazut?
    M: L-am vazut pe George.
    A: L-ati vazut pe George, acuzatul in acest proces?
    M: Da.
    A: Puteti sa spuneti ce facea George la momentul respectiv?
    M: Isi bagase chestia in rate.
    A: "Chestia"?
    M: Stiti dumneavoastra, pu... Adica penisul.
    A: Ati trecut aproape de ocolul de rate, iluminarea era buna, nu erati
    sub influenta alcoolului, aveati un punct de observatie bun, si ati
    vazut CLAR ceea ce ne-ati explicat?
    M: Da.
    A: I-ati spus ceva?
    M: Binenteles.
    A: Ce i-ati spus?
    M: "Buna George!"

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Avocat: Pe ce data este aniversarea dumneavoastra?
    Martor: 15 iulie.
    A: Ce an?
    M: In fiecare an.

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** *

    Avocat: Aceasta boala va afecteaza memoria?
    Martor: Da.
    A: In ce mod va afecteaza memoria?
    M: Am uitat.
    A: Ati uitat... Puteti sa ne dati un exemplu de ceea ce ati uitat?

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** *

    Avocat: Care a fost primul lucru pe care vi l-a spus sotul
    dumneavoastra?
    Martor: A spus "Unde sunt, Cathy?".
    A: Si de ce va enervat chestia asta?
    M: Pentru ca pe mine ma cheama Susan.

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **

    Avocat: Si unde a avut loc accidentul?
    Martor: Pe la kilometrul 499.
    A: Si unde se gaseste kilometrul 499?
    M: Probabil intre kilometrii 498 si 500.

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** *

    Avocat: La ce distanta se aflau vehiculele in momentul coliziunii?

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** *

    Avocat: Si ati ramas acolo pana in momentul in care ati plecat?

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** *

    Avocat: Domnule doctor, cate autopsii ati efectuat pe cadavre?
    Martor: Toate autopsiile mele le-am efectuat pe cadavre.

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** *

    Avocat: Va mai amintiti la ce ora ati examinat cadavrul?
    Martor: Autopsia a inceput la ora 20:30.
    A: Si domnul Dennington era mort la acea ora?
    M: Nu, statea intins pe masa intrebandu-se de ce-i fac autopsie.


  11. Inginerii de la Qantas

    duminică, 13 iulie 2008

             Sa nu ziceti ca inginerii n-au simtul umorului. Mai jos sunt niste probleme notate de piloti de la Qantas (compania aeriana australiana) si solutiile
    inginerilor de la service. (P=Problema semnalata de pilot, S=raspunsul
    inginerilor.)

    P: Cauciucul principal de pe stanga aproape ca trebuie schimbat.
    S: Aproape schimbat cauciucul principal de pe stanga.

    P: Zborul ok, doar "aterizarea automata" cam dura.
    S: "Aterizarea automata" nu este instalata pe acest avion.

    P: Joaca ceva la bord.
    S: Strans ceva la bord.

    P: Gaze moarte pe parbriz.
    S: Comandat gaze vii.

    P: Semn de o scurgere la echipament aterizare dreapta.
    S: Semn inlaturat.

    P: Franele de frecare blocheaza valvele de viteza.
    S: Asta le este scopul.

    P: Sistemul IFF inoperabil.
    S: Sistemul IFF intotdeauna inoperabil daca este OFF.

    P: Suspectez crapatura in parbriz.
    S: Suspectez ca ai dreptate.

    P: Motor 3 lipsa.
    S: Gasit motor 3 pe aripa dreapta dupa ce l-am cautat
    putin.

    P: Avionul merge caraghios.
    S: Avertizat avionul sa stea drept, sa zboare cum trebuie, si sa ia lucrurile in serios.

    P: "Radarul tinta" bazaie.
    S: Reprogramat "radarul tinta" sa cante cum trebuie.

    P: Soricel la bord.
    S: Instalat pisica.

    P: Zgomot de sub bord. Suna ca un pitic care bate ceva cu ciocanul.
    S: Confiscat ciocanul de la pitic.


  12. Don't Take Your Husband to Walmart

    marți, 8 iulie 2008

    This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

    Dear Mrs. Samsel,
    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store.We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1.June 15:
    Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2:
    Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7:
    Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19:
    Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

    5. August 4:
    Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

    6. August 14:
    Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15:
    Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

    8. August 23:
    When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. September 4:
    Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10:
    While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3:My Favorite
    Darted around the store, suspiciously, while loudly humming theMission Impossible' theme ..

    12. October 6:
    In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18:
    Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME!

    14. October 21:
    When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    And last, but not least...

    15. October 23:
    Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'


  13. Fotbal la maxim

    luni, 7 iulie 2008











  14.        Daca tot te uiti la filme "pentru adulti" pe internet ar fi bine sa iti stergi din history. Mai ales daca vine televiziunea la tine acasa...


  15. Matematica si iar matematica

    miercuri, 2 iulie 2008


    1 x 8 + 1 = 9
    12 x 8 + 2 = 98
    123 x 8 + 3 = 987
    1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
    12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
    123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
    1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
    12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
    123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

    1 x 9 + 2 = 11
    12 x 9 + 3 = 111
    123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
    1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
    12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
    123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
    1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
    12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
    123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

    9 x 9 + 7 = 88
    98 x 9 + 6 = 888
    987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
    9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
    98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
    987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
    9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
    98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888


    1 x 1 = 1
    11 x 11 = 121
    111 x 111 = 12321
    1111 x 1111 = 1234321
    11111 x 11111 = 123454321
    111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
    1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
    11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
    111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321


  16. Mama ta-i asa de grasa...

    marți, 1 iulie 2008

    Mama ta-i asa de grasa incat se incalta cu dacia papuc.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa incat poarta la mana big ben .
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa incat isi face cafeaua la vulcanii noroiosi.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa incat atunci cand bea lapte si se sterge la gura, ce ramane in urma este calea lactee .
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa incat atunci cand fuge mananca pamantul.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa incat creste gaini pe ea.
    Mama ta e asa de grasa incat poarta pe degete inelele lui Saturn...
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca vorbeste cu ecou.
    Mama ta e asa de grasa ca se incalta cu galeata de gunoi.
    Mama ta e asha de grasa incat nu merge ci se rostogoleshte.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca se sterge la nas cu prosopu.
    Mama ta e asa de grasa incat atunci cand trece prin fata Casei Poporului o baga de tot in umbra.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca vede pana unde vorbeste la telefon.
    Mama ta e atat de grasa mesteca cate un pui fript pe fiecare masea.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa incat te-a facut cu ou si cu otet.
    Mama ta e asa de grasa incat se culca pe acoperisul blocului ca in casa n-are loc.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca vede triplu.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca ca s-a daramat juma' din pentagon cand a trecut pe langa si a dat vina pe arabi.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca s-a facut eclipsa de soare de pe 11 august cand a iesit ea sa se plimbe-n parc.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca s-a produs tzunami in 2004 cand s-a aruncat ea sa inoate.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca sunt cutremure in vrancea cand se da ea jos din pat.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca foloseste istoria literaturii romane a lu calinescu pe post de press papier.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca foloseste computeru pe post de calculator de buzunar.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca a aparut gaura in stratu de ozon cand a sarit in sus de bucurie si groapa marianelor cand a revenit pe pamant.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca doarme cu gura plina.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca taica-tu e mereu sub papuc.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa de-aveai panselute pe balcon si le-ai gasit muscate.
    Mama ta e asa de grasa incat mananca puii ca pe cocosei...
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca are chetroaie la ficat.
    Mama ta e asa de grasa ca sa gandesc astia din cotnari sa isi redenumeasca vinul.
    Mama ta i-asa de grasa ca foloseste plapume drept tampoane.
    Mama ta e asa de grasa ca daca-i suna telefonul in buzunar lumea crede ca da cu spatele.
    Mama ta e asa de grasa incat nici macar nu poate sari...in ajutor.
    Mama ta-i asa de grasa ca nu mai vad sa scriu aici.